


Harry Potter Parody Collection

by LunarCycle (CrystalNavy)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 19:35:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21343591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalNavy/pseuds/LunarCycle
Summary: Just what it says on the tin.
Kudos: 1





	1. Voldy the Blabbermouth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Voldy shares random plot details long before they actually become relevant.

[A dark and eerie forest could be seen. A figure wearing a dark cloak is walking through it towards the house in the distance]

Tom Riddle Junior: So here I am, alone, walking towards the home of my enemies, without anyone else to watch my back. There is no way this could possibly go wrong, right?

[Trees rustling. Owls hooting]

Tom Riddle Junior: Well, time to kill some folks. 

[Tom walks through the gate and blasts the door off its hinges. James stares at him.]

James: Lily, it's him! I'll hold him off! Go upstairs!

Tom Riddle Junior: Bad tactical move, Jamie. I could simply corner her there and no one would be any wiser.....But as it is, I am feeling generous, so I am giving her one chance to save herself. Because I am sporting like that.

James: .....Snivellus asked you to, didn't he?

Tom Riddle Junior: Yeah.

James: And why did you feel you had to honor that request?

Tom Riddle Junior: Well, you see, my mother, Merope, was a witch. And my father, Tom, was a Muggle.

James: What does that have to do with anything?

Tom Riddle Junior: His father, Tobias, was a Muggle. His mother, Eileen, was a witch.

James: Oh, I see. Similarities.

Tom Riddle Junior: That is correct.

James: But why are you sharing random plot details long before they become relevant?

Tom Riddle Junior: .....

James: .....

Tom Riddle Junior: You're stalling for time, aren't you?

James: Got it in one. She probably took that Portkey I made for her and is in Hope's place by now.

Tom Riddle Junior: Hope?

James: The wife of a Ministry worker? Mother of one of my best buds? The one whose son got bitten by one of your allies?

Tom Riddle Junior: Oh, her. And Fenrir is not one of my allies. He is a nuisance. 

James: Okaayyyyy......

Tom Riddle Junior: And she won't even think about touching it.

James: Why do you think so?

Tom Riddle Junior: Because the plot requires her to die. Therefore, she won't even think about touching it. And by the way, one of your so-called best buds betrayed you. It's how I was able to enter this house in the first place.

James: You're sharing random plot details long before they become relevant again. Stop it. You'll ruin it for the audience.

Tom Riddle Junior: I do as I like. Avada Kedavra!

[James' body falls gently to the floor, seemingly untouched by any external force.]

Tom Riddle Junior: Now that he is out of the way, I'll kill the baby, and spare the mother, and she'll marry her childhood friend! Ingenious!

James' ghost: You're sharing random plot details before they become relevant for the third time.......

[Tom Riddle Junior groans]


	2. The Infestation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Voldemort is confused, and the Death Eaters are of no help.

Voldemort stared at the letter. This couldn't possibly be real. It couldn't. He scanned the letter again.

To Lord Voldemort

I remember that Saturday night when we had fried fish and Johnny-cakes. Do you? We had smashing good fun on that day, just you, me, and Barty.

I haven't forgotten what you did, assface.

And I will never forgive.

I am coming to get you right now, and it won't be pretty. 

And afterwards, I am gonna fuck Barty in the Shrieking Shack.

Beng-a-deng,

R.A.B

This couldn't be true. It couldn't. Voldemort decided to show this letter to his other Death Eaters. They might know something.

In an undisclosed location far away, three Hogwarts students laughed, as they mulled over what to write in the next letter.

After all, the original R.A.B would like it if someone continued his noble work.


	3. Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is no choice left.

"No.....not that..... Anything but that?" Barty Crouch Junior pleaded

"I am sorry, son." his father sighed "But under these circumstances, you leave me no choice. Winky, prepare everything."

Half an hour later, Barty was pushed into the circular room. There were several mirrors hung from the ceiling. These mirrors, however, were different. They showed people and events Barty had never seen before.

"Hello, I am John Macintosh, and today, our special program is....."

Muggle television.

"The life of puppies in suburbias."

Muggle television with puppies.

Barty screamed.


End file.
